Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Once A month.

Well i forgot.
Damn Essays/Exams/Alcohol.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Neck Tattoos

Last night i had the most vivid dream...
I dreamed i got "HARDCORE" tattooed onto the back of my neck in HUGE letters.

I woke up and actually had to go to the mirror to make sure it wasn't there.

Also, reading week should now be called "Tour Week"..
As a townie, I've spent more days out of town than I have in town this week. My promise to actually get some researching done is totally not gonna happen.

F Mon Vie.

Love Cole.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Running For Your Life.

Well technically for your life.

To the three people who might read this blog, you should probably vote for me tomorrow and thursday for VP Student Life.

If you dont do it, im gonna kick you. HARD.

Love Cole.

Ps. Seriously, your shins are gonna be my bitch.

Sunday, January 18, 2009


This week i skipped school to go on tour and explode many vaginas.
Not many were exploded, (not due to my quality of singing, but due to the lack of vaginas TO explode) but i had an amazing epic sensual time...

So id just like to do a quick recap of the great things that happened in the south that pretty much me and Dylan might only understand.

After driving 2887 kilometers, you learn alot about yourself, the crazy kid sitting with you in the car,... and alot about the way the world works.

Daily Nutrition usually consisted of Chicken Snack wraps, Second Hand Smoke, and Granola bars.
Daily entertainment usually consisted of 'Would you rathers' and listening to every CD i ever fucking bought.
Sleep was replaced by Tim Hortons, Redbull, and 1 Hour Naps on the side of the road.

Butttt, i wouldnt trade that shit for the world.

Some Random Thoughts From The Road...
-Our GPS Mistress, who never led us astray (except that one time)
- "Id rather be one of those kids on the World Vision Commercials, cause even though they have flies on them and have no food, at least they arn't cold as dicks... and they work on their tan all day."
- Fake and Awkward Laughter.
- EVERYONE in Windsor telling us to not go to 8 Mile.
- Dylan's Two beers for $68.
- Green Rooms.
- "Those are my real boobs in that picture... just if you guys were wondering"
- The Last Waltz
- "Fuck, I think he thinks I do heroin for real."
- Skylight Drama's amazing vocal talent.
- Tomato Flavored Rickard's White.
- Frostbitten feet.
- Office Space Quoting.
- "Glasses/NotGlasses
- Travelers
- Flinstone Vitamins
- "Hi There... I own my own business"
-Applebeas/Boston Pizza

I just wanted to throw out a HUGE thank you to everyone and anyone we met in the deep south.
-RJ... You kept us well 'fed' with all sorts of good stuff.
-The SRC crew... you out drank us. You win at life.
-Lesley Pike... for coconut milk, and Olives from her not really very vegan salad
- Any Bartender who served us... Cause.
- Everyone and Anyone who chilled, let us in their house, talked to us or otherwise.

Love Cole And Dylan.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Everyone You Know...

So, this previous weekend, I played a concert with a lets say moderatelyfamousforwinningarealitytelevisionshowtoplay
inabandwithTommyLee... person.

Anyways. He has this wife...

People were all like "Yo, His wife is in...PORNOGRAPHY!"
And I was all "Yo! Coincidence! I watch PORNOGRAPHY!"

Probably Has Something To Do With Porn

So, they told me her name and i was like... Weird, I've never ever ever heard of this person before.

Dear reader. Before i get ahead of myself, let me clarify. I'm not some kind of strange and perverty pervert. Delving into my book of science I usually have by me, it says ... "100 percent of men in the world watch pornography alot. If they say they dont, they are obviously lying. Look on their computer in a folder Titled "Taxes" or "Homework" or "Bonerville"."

Anyways, it makes us kinda experts on it. I have trouble remembering the dates that Napoleon Bonaparte kicked some ass, but I could probably name off like... at least 40 pornstars (this is due in part that some have hillariousy rediculous names, while dates in history seldom make good humor).

When they mentioned her name, i drew a blank.
I went around, asked some male friends if they'd ever heard of this woman... they all replied no. I surmised that it must have been because she didn't have an awesome name like 'Cherry Poppins'. Names like 'Cherry Poppins' are blessed by God,(The god of pornography at least) and we cant ALL be that fortunate.

'From This Day Forth, Your Name Shall Be... DICK STIFF!!!'

I waited untill I met her, certain that id shake her hand and suddenly it would dawn on me. Id slap my head to my forehead and shout, "PHHHHHH! NOW I KNOW WHO YOU ARE! You're in the Wookie Orgy in 'Star Whores, Revenge Of The Clits'!!!"

But the fateful day came, and she walked into the room. I held my breath. She didnt 'seem' very porny. She came off more as a... 'cocaine addict' person, rather than a 'take your clothes off and rub your vagina on a camera' type person so me and a group of people began to discuss if any of us had seen her before on the magical place called the 'internets'. Shockingly, none of these people had either.

Suddenly, someone brought their phone out and said "I took the liberty of Googling her her last night, heres a picture of her naked".

Low and behold, there she was.
Vagina in air.

There Were Alot Of These In The Picture As Well.

I have to inform you dear reader how strange it is to be in a room with a person looking at them, while also looking at a naked picture of them... doing stuff with another man... whos not their husband.......... while their husband is also in the room...


Anyways. The moral of the story is that, ANYONE could be a pornstar. Even a regular looking lady with a husband who was sitting beside me while we played music. Just because you've never SEEN them in a porn, doesn't mean they ARNT in one.

I'm talking about your old neighbor, your teacher, the bus driver, the lunchlady, hell, even a cute second year Nippising student writing a blog trying to win a contest could have been in a porn once, just once, to pay the bills.
You just really never know.


Tuesday, October 28, 2008

A Letter To Bono.

Dear Bono

Today I read that you were caught hanging out with two hotties today. These hotties were also only 19. You my friend are old. You my friend are my hero... But alas, you need to change your ways.

I'm hoping that one day, when i start to go bald, and my stomach, cheeks and testicles start their slow drooping via gravity that I can pick up women that are sayyyyyyyy 29 years younger than me. I just hope I wont be married to someone for 29 years when my Panther self decides to go on the prowl.(Wow same age difference as you and the cuties... coincidence? She must be pissed.)

I understand that you are a Knight and think you can do pretty much anything you want. I also realize that knights used to go riding off and saving rather young princesses and getting married to their 12 year old cousins, but I highly doubt you know how to joust, and seriously disbelieve that you own more than 3 suits of armor.


Bono my brother, I'm going to teach you some mathematical magic that just might save your life. Learn't this one in good ol' algebra.

"{Your Age / 2} + 7 = Socially acceptable age of girls in bikinis hanging onto your arms and neck."

This my friend is THE GOLDEN RULE.
Its called the Golden Rule, because Gold is fucking awesome.

Not the Golden Rule... but still awesome

Here is how a simple example of how all of life's most difficult problems can be solved using this intense and time tested algebraic equation.

"Yo Bono, why are you hanging out with those girls, they don't look like their ages are socially acceptable compared to yours."
(Remove Calculator and perform equation.)
"Oh really? Math, which is the science of numbers, shows that they ARE acceptable"
"Thats stupid. Some kid on the internet made that up. Math is also equally stupid."
Follow this up by a brisk throw of the calculator into the face of who ever is calling you out (friend, parent, wife, etc.)

Bono, you are a Knight, and your lyrical genious haunts my dreams (As much as I pray for it to stop) so i think if you follow my simple rule, things will look up, and maybe you can trade that old wife in for someone... mathmatically speaking...31 years old?

Love your Biological Son,

Ps. Child Support?