A Letter To Bono.

Dear Bono

Today I read that you were caught hanging out with two hotties today. These hotties were also only 19. You my friend are old. You my friend are my hero... But alas, you need to change your ways.

I'm hoping that one day, when i start to go bald, and my stomach, cheeks and testicles start their slow drooping via gravity that I can pick up women that are sayyyyyyyy 29 years younger than me. I just hope I wont be married to someone for 29 years when my Panther self decides to go on the prowl.(Wow same age difference as you and the cuties... coincidence? She must be pissed.)

I understand that you are a Knight and think you can do pretty much anything you want. I also realize that knights used to go riding off and saving rather young princesses and getting married to their 12 year old cousins, but I highly doubt you know how to joust, and seriously disbelieve that you own more than 3 suits of armor.


OVER YONDER GALAHAD! BITCHES AND RICHES!

Bono my brother, I'm going to teach you some mathematical magic that just might save your life. Learn't this one in good ol' algebra.


"{Your Age / 2} + 7 = Socially acceptable age of girls in bikinis hanging onto your arms and neck."
This my friend is THE GOLDEN RULE.
Its called the Golden Rule, because Gold is fucking awesome.

Not the Golden Rule... but still awesome
Here is how a simple example of how all of life's most difficult problems can be solved using this intense and time tested algebraic equation.

"Yo Bono, why are you hanging out with those girls, they don't look like their ages are socially acceptable compared to yours."
(Remove Calculator and perform equation.)
"Oh really? Math, which is the science of numbers, shows that they ARE acceptable"
"Thats stupid. Some kid on the internet made that up. Math is also equally stupid."
"YOURE STUPID!"
Follow this up by a brisk throw of the calculator into the face of who ever is calling you out (friend, parent, wife, etc.)

Bono, you are a Knight, and your lyrical genious haunts my dreams (As much as I pray for it to stop) so i think if you follow my simple rule, things will look up, and maybe you can trade that old wife in for someone... mathmatically speaking...31 years old?

Love your Biological Son,
Cole.

Ps. Child Support?

KEEEEAIAAHHHHH!!!!!

When someone can kick over their head... or behind their head for that matter, its pretty darn impressive.

When someone can jump almost as high as you are tall, It also falls under the "holy shit" category.

I went to kickboxing with my mother on tuesday, and then with my sisters tonight (were not actually a tight family, we all kind of hate eachother), and it was rediculous... and really really really fun.

Number one, kickboxing is NOT a sissy fighting style. Its a brutal fighting style, because you kick people in their face. An uncommon fact about peoples faces is that it is where their eyes, ears, nose, teeth, and mostly all the parts of your body that make you beautiful are. Getting a foot there can be pretty detrimental to your dating life. Also you will sweat more than you ever possibly thought could come out of you without dying.

Number two. Living proof that people my size can probably kick anyones ass. Im not saying that I can kick ass in any way shape or form, But there are guys that are smaller than me that can apparently flying kick like they just jumped out of Mortal Kombat, onto your face, ready to rip your spine out (Fatality!).

Number three. My mom is the oldest person in the class, and I am proud that someone her age (which isnt 21 as she likes to tell people, which is getting harder and harder since im now 20) is able to keep up with all us young pups. I would even go so far as to say that in a few months, or a year or two, a small infant might have some trouble besting her in a fight.

Anyways, in conclusion, all the really good guys at the gym do this loud outward breathing thing, where they make a cool intimidating noise when they punch or kick. Most breath heavily and kinda spit. Some do the traditional "HAHHH". Another guy goes "ISEEEE" really crazily and sweatily.

What im asking for is a sound.
I need a cool sound to make.
Gimmie some suggestions so I can kick extra ass.

Love Cole.

Bye Bye Dignity.

Last night involved me mostly naked at the bar.

Thats cool, I'm confident with my body and girls constantly touching my exposed bum to grope it.

What I'm not cool with is the fact that alcohol makes me an idiot... not even like a "I think I'm gonna ride this motorcycle on this jump over this shark" idiot.
Its more of a "I'm gonna WALK HOME FROM THE F#&!ing WALL"

I live at least 6 kilometers away from the Wall.

I walked home... naked.

I could have gotten raped
Or killed
Or raped and killed
Or killed and raped
Or just eaten by a bear.

Basically the moral of the story is... if you see a naked kid walking home tomorrow night. Pick him up and give him a ride.

But don't rape and kill him...
Thanks

Love Cole